I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
