I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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