i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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