gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i think i just lost a toe
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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