Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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