I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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