Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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