David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
