i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
