So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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