Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
