just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
