I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
