i jhust puked up my retainher.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
