my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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