I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
