if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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