I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
