Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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