apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
