Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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