I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize