Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
