I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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