Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
