YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
