ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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