they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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