Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
