My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
