Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
