I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
