Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
