College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is wine microwaveable?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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