I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
