but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
