Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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