I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
