u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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