Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize