Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
