Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
