So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
