It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
