i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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