it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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