I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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