I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
