its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
