Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
