Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
