Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
