i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
