I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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