i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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