I cannot find my penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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