I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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