I wish I could teleport
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
