I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
