Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize