Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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