You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
