When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
