WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
