I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
