This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
