Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you had me at cake vodka
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
