My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
