My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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