I hate all girls vehemently.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
