Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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