I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
