she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
