This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
