new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
