omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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