did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
